I met up with a bunch of my ex running buddies a couple weeks ago at a brew pub in downtown San Jose.  While they were catching me up on successes and challenges with their careers, I was catching them up on a segment I saw on the Today Show about “How To Use Your Small Kitchen Appliances In Ways You Never Would Have Guessed”.  That is when I knew I was comfortable in my unemployment.  That was when I know I needed to find a job.

In October I turned 54.  On October 31, my corporate job let me and 10 thousand more of us go.  Before I got “fired” I always wondered how it all went down.  Was it uncomfortable, awkward, is there crying, yelling, consoling, do you know it’s coming.  For me, I knew it was coming but was still shocked.  Two months prior to my departure, there was a big announcement that 4 thousand would be let go due to 3 consecutive quarters of being in the red.  That was my first sign.  Second was that my meeting with my manager got moved forward and the give away was my co- worker sent me a text during her meeting telling me she got let go. 

My termination was on TEAMS and nobody was on camera, which by the way was a requirement for all meetings.  Nobody said a word except HR, who did all the dirty work. 

I threw myself a pity party, which consisted of, putting on my monkey outfit, drinking to many margheritas, not eating the food I ordered, telling everyone in the restaurant that I got fired two hours ago, then at home, uncontrollable sobbing while lying in the fetal position in my hallway.  This lasted until 8am the next morning when I didn’t need to get on my team meeting,  Not only did I now not have a job/income, I also lost my anxiety. 

I’m going to talk a bit about my thoughts on anxiety, my anxiety and my dealings or not dealings with it.  It could be relatable or it could be boring.  Feel free to skip this part.

My journey into anxiety was a journey I did not know I was taking.  I called my anxiety stress, not understanding the two.  I had this feeling of being pushed on my chest and when I tried to move forward, I felt the push on the dop of my head.  This dreaded feeling started around Sunday afternoon, increased a deadly amount right before our Monday Team meeting. I was feeling like everything I was doing at work was wrong, mainly because my manager told me so.  No matter what my clients told me and what, what my awards told me and past bosses, I dreaded going to work because I was constantly being told that I couldn’t do it right anymore.  Being told by myself and my manager.  I felt like I was being told that sales was a young persons game, I was past my prime and needed to move up to the times. 

Wine had become my good friend.  Okay, let’s be honest here, wine has always been my friend but they seemed to be around more.  I couldn’t focus on things I love to do like reading, writing, volunteering in my community.  Again, I was somehow being held back.  Not the dread for not doing things I love, just the awful feeling of running in a dream and not getting anywhere. 

One day I was mindlessly scrolling through social media and I found an add for HIS/HER.  They have all sorts of remedies but what caught my attention was they had meds for anxiety.  Without seeing a therapist, I got 3 months of Zoloft in the mail. 

Thankfully I didn’t have the guts to take them right aways then a week after I got them I got “fired”. 

Enough of my work related anxiety.  More on that later. 

Losing my job was the best thing that ever happened to me.  In no way am I ready or even close to retiring but I was able to take a few months off. 

I really had a great time.  Just a few things that I learned to do during my glorious days of unemployment.

I taught myself to make sugar cookies and frost them, like the ones you buy at Starbucks in the plastic bag.  I also explored alternate ways to decorate sugar cookies.  

I got really good at feeding my sour dough starter.  Never actually made any bread with it but boy did it float to the top of water when testing its vibrance. It is not put to rest, just resting for the time being.

I made macramé plant hangers.  With that theme, I propagated all kinds of different plants.  I was doing that before when I had a job but not to the extent that I do now. 

I watched the entire season 2 of NEXT in Fashion with Tan where I got inspired by Nigel, bought a sewing machine and am making bucket hats out of all the jeans I seem to never be able to donate. 

I started reading again.  Something that kind of stopped during 2020.  Again, anxiety.

Took dog training, I mean people training classes with my dog Five. 

Learned to that I can make cornbread batter and put it in the waffle maker, making cornbread waffles, then put a can of chili on top of that.  That is just one of the many take aways that I got from watching the Today show almost every day.

Found a new Hot Yoga Studio and joined. If you are interested, 4:30pm is definitely the time to go.

Built my kittens a whole lot of cat towers, houses and still in process, shelves. 

I got a job. 

This was easily the best 5 months of my life.