I met up with a bunch of my ex running buddies a couple weeks ago at a brew pub in downtown San Jose.  While they were catching me up on successes and challenges with their careers, I was catching them up on a segment I saw on the Today Show about “How To Use Your Small Kitchen Appliances In Ways You Never Would Have Guessed”.  That is when I knew I was comfortable in my unemployment.  That was when I know I needed to find a job.

In October I turned 54.  On October 31, my corporate job let me and 10 thousand more of us go.  Before I got “fired” I always wondered how it all went down.  Was it uncomfortable, awkward, is there crying, yelling, consoling, do you know it’s coming.  For me, I knew it was coming but was still shocked.  Two months prior to my departure, there was a big announcement that 4 thousand would be let go due to 3 consecutive quarters of being in the red.  That was my first sign.  Second was that my meeting with my manager got moved forward and the give away was my co- worker sent me a text during her meeting telling me she got let go. 

My termination was on TEAMS and nobody was on camera, which by the way was a requirement for all meetings.  Nobody said a word except HR, who did all the dirty work. 

I threw myself a pity party, which consisted of, putting on my monkey outfit, drinking to many margheritas, not eating the food I ordered, telling everyone in the restaurant that I got fired two hours ago, then at home, uncontrollable sobbing while lying in the fetal position in my hallway.  This lasted until 8am the next morning when I didn’t need to get on my team meeting,  Not only did I now not have a job/income, I also lost my anxiety. 

I’m going to talk a bit about my thoughts on anxiety, my anxiety and my dealings or not dealings with it.  It could be relatable or it could be boring.  Feel free to skip this part.

My journey into anxiety was a journey I did not know I was taking.  I called my anxiety stress, not understanding the two.  I had this feeling of being pushed on my chest and when I tried to move forward, I felt the push on the dop of my head.  This dreaded feeling started around Sunday afternoon, increased a deadly amount right before our Monday Team meeting. I was feeling like everything I was doing at work was wrong, mainly because my manager told me so.  No matter what my clients told me and what, what my awards told me and past bosses, I dreaded going to work because I was constantly being told that I couldn’t do it right anymore.  Being told by myself and my manager.  I felt like I was being told that sales was a young persons game, I was past my prime and needed to move up to the times. 

Wine had become my good friend.  Okay, let’s be honest here, wine has always been my friend but they seemed to be around more.  I couldn’t focus on things I love to do like reading, writing, volunteering in my community.  Again, I was somehow being held back.  Not the dread for not doing things I love, just the awful feeling of running in a dream and not getting anywhere. 

One day I was mindlessly scrolling through social media and I found an add for HIS/HER.  They have all sorts of remedies but what caught my attention was they had meds for anxiety.  Without seeing a therapist, I got 3 months of Zoloft in the mail. 

Thankfully I didn’t have the guts to take them right aways then a week after I got them I got “fired”. 

Enough of my work related anxiety.  More on that later. 

Losing my job was the best thing that ever happened to me.  In no way am I ready or even close to retiring but I was able to take a few months off. 

I really had a great time.  Just a few things that I learned to do during my glorious days of unemployment.

I taught myself to make sugar cookies and frost them, like the ones you buy at Starbucks in the plastic bag.  I also explored alternate ways to decorate sugar cookies.  

I got really good at feeding my sour dough starter.  Never actually made any bread with it but boy did it float to the top of water when testing its vibrance. It is not put to rest, just resting for the time being.

I made macramé plant hangers.  With that theme, I propagated all kinds of different plants.  I was doing that before when I had a job but not to the extent that I do now. 

I watched the entire season 2 of NEXT in Fashion with Tan where I got inspired by Nigel, bought a sewing machine and am making bucket hats out of all the jeans I seem to never be able to donate. 

I started reading again.  Something that kind of stopped during 2020.  Again, anxiety.

Took dog training, I mean people training classes with my dog Five. 

Learned to that I can make cornbread batter and put it in the waffle maker, making cornbread waffles, then put a can of chili on top of that.  That is just one of the many take aways that I got from watching the Today show almost every day.

Found a new Hot Yoga Studio and joined. If you are interested, 4:30pm is definitely the time to go.

Built my kittens a whole lot of cat towers, houses and still in process, shelves. 

I got a job. 

This was easily the best 5 months of my life.

2020 and beyond was really rough on me. I finally split from my husband, bought a townhome by the beach, stopped running claiming an injury during shelter in place and wondered if I was just making an excuse not to run. My yoga studio closed and the home I bought was over the hill so when it reopened, it wasn’t reasonable to go.

Halloween, 2022, I lost my job. I am one of those weirdos and saved enough to pay immediate bills and I did get a severance package so I wasn’t 100% stressed. What I did lose was my anxiety that I didn’t realize my job gave me. I also realized I only saved enough for immediate bills and apparently, a wine club memberships. I’m justifying the wine club out now but I’m positive that membership was way better than a new dishwasher.

I was really stressed about Covid. The news, administration and people with opposite opinions voicing in a way by telling me my fears were irrational didn’t help.

Today, I went to my first hot power yoga class and the best part about it is that is an 1/8 of a mile away! Walking distance.

Rusty does not come close to describing how I felt in the class. What I will say is that I knew I was in for the long haul when I walked in and men, topless men, in tight shorts were doing various versions of backbends, handstands and I swear I saw one guy in lotus pose floating above the floor. There were beautiful all sizes and ages of women wearing teeny tiny tops, in a wide leg forward fold. ( okay maybe how close it is to my house isn’t the best part. )

I find a lot of things in Aptos. My home, bongs ( 2 to be exact) and now my yoga studio. I’m stoked.

I went to see the Circle Jerks at the Catalyst last week on a school night.  The last time I was at the Catalyst was in 2019 when I saw the Offspring play acoustic.  I went solo so my goal that evening was to be a groupie and make out with one of the band members.  I quickly aborted that plan when they waked past me on the balcony and I realized that time was not on their side.  

Awesome show even if I didn’t get laid. 

The Circle Jerks had two opening bands.  Negative Approach and Adolescence.

If you ever the opportunity to see Negative Approach, don’t.  Although this band was one of the pioneers of hardcore punk music, this band is the reason why every parent of the 80s and 90s hate and don’t understand punk music.  It was loud, staticy, high pitched and muffled all at once.  What the band di have going for them was showmanship and basically just representing the punk attitude.  I could only see two of the members, the bass player and the lead singer.  The bass player was celebrating his 60^th birthday.  Tall, big shouldered man with long grey hair bulled back in a tigh low ponytail.  His beard came  down to his belly and was tied together in two spots, leaving the middle looking like the puff on a poodle tail.  Super punk.  The lead was pretty much how I icture a hardcore punk.  His old tshirt as too wide and the sides and as stule goes, too short.  His pants were faded black, at tad bit too short and too big for him.  He needed a haircut.  Right before he was about to start screaming incoherently, he would smash the mike into his teeth and leave it there while he wailed.  After each song or 3 he would alsys say, “thank you Man’ His voice was unusually deep.  

Negative Approach did have at least one fan among us.  On fan that knew every word to every song.  He was as close to the stage as he could get, fist pumping in the air, and as far as I could tell with his N95 mask on, screaming every work.  Did you ever see that movie Trainspotting?  Remember the guy that did heroin and had a baby and the baby died?…that is what this fan looked like. 

As I was standing in line after the show to get a Negative Approach tshirt, the fan walked by and he did indeed look like the guy form Trainspotting, minus the heroin and dead baby, hopefully.

Adolescence.  What a surprise !  Loud, fast and hard.  You could totally understand what they were saying.  In fact, I found myself screaming the chorus in every song which I believe happened to be the same; FUCK YOU!  The lead singer looked similar to one of the guys form Zeppelin, the one that did an album with Aliison Krauss a few years back.  What mde him so bad ASS was that he did the whole 45 minute set, jumping around stage, screaming in tune  into the mike, all with a  surgical mask on.  Before any anti-maskers start spouting off that he can’t breathe,  he’s living in fear, taking away my freedom, this guy is in shape.  Hard core shape.  Let me just repeat, 45 minutes, jumping round stage, screaming in tune in a mike with a mask on is bad ass.  This guy is in shape and as the slow crawl of the apocalypse creeps into our lives, I want this guy on my side.  

After I bought tshirts, I went back up t the balcony to watch the show with my boyfriend, guaranteeing that I would be making out after this show.  

The main event.  Circle Jerks.  First of all, they look exactly the same.  What I love about punk bands is there is no standing around or eve a pause in between songs.  

I went to see the Circle Jerks at the Catalyst last week on a school night.  The last time I was at the Catalyst was in 2019 when I saw the Offspring play acoustic.  I went solo so my goal that evening was to be a groupie and make out with one of the band members.  I quickly aborted that plan when they waked past me on the balcony and I realized that time was not on their side.  

Awesome show even if I didn’t get laid. 

The Circle Jerks had two opening bands.  Negative Approach and Adolescence.

If you ever the opportunity to see Negative Approach, don’t.  Although this band was one of the pioneers of hardcore punk music, this band is the reason why every parent of the 80s and 90s hate and don’t understand punk music.  It was loud, staticy, high pitched and muffled all at once.  What the band di have going for them was showmanship and basically just representing the punk attitude.  I could only see two of the members, the bass player and the lead singer.  The bass player was celebrating his 60^th birthday.  Tall, big shouldered man with long grey hair bulled back in a tigh low ponytail.  His beard came  down to his belly and was tied together in two spots, leaving the middle looking like the puff on a poodle tail.  Super punk.  The lead was pretty much how I icture a hardcore punk.  His old tshirt as too wide and the sides and as stule goes, too short.  His pants were faded black, at tad bit too short and too big for him.  He needed a haircut.  Right before he was about to start screaming incoherently, he would smash the mike into his teeth and leave it there while he wailed.  After each song or 3 he would alsys say, “thank you Man’ His voice was unusually deep.  

Negative Approach did have at least one fan among us.  On fan that knew every word to every song.  He was as close to the stage as he could get, fist pumping in the air, and as far as I could tell with his N95 mask on, screaming every work.  Did you ever see that movie Trainspotting?  Remember the guy that did heroin and had a baby and the baby died?…that is what this fan looked like. 

As I was standing in line after the show to get a Negative Approach tshirt, the fan walked by and he did indeed look like the guy form Trainspotting, minus the heroin and dead baby, hopefully.

Adolescence.  What a surprise !  Loud, fast and hard.  You could totally understand what they were saying.  In fact, I found myself screaming the chorus in every song which I believe happened to be the same; FUCK YOU!  The lead singer looked similar to one of the guys form Zeppelin, the one that did an album with Aliison Krauss a few years back.  What mde him so bad ASS was that he did the whole 45 minute set, jumping around stage, screaming in tune  into the mike, all with a  surgical mask on.  Before any anti-maskers start spouting off that he can’t breathe,  he’s living in fear, taking away my freedom, this guy is in shape.  Hard core shape.  Let me just repeat, 45 minutes, jumping round stage, screaming in tune in a mike with a mask on is bad ass.  This guy is in shape and as the slow crawl of the apocalypse creeps into our lives, I want this guy on my side.  

After I bought tshirts, I went back up t the balcony to watch the show with my boyfriend, guaranteeing that I would be making out after this show.  

The main event.  Circle Jerks.  First of all, they look exactly the same.  What I love about punk bands is there is no standing around or eve a pause in between songs.  

I went to see the Circle Jerks at the Catalyst last week on a school night.  The last time I was at the Catalyst was in 2019 when I saw the Offspring play acoustic.  I went solo so my goal that evening was to be a groupie and make out with one of the band members.  I quickly aborted that plan when they waked past me on the balcony and I realized that time was not on their side.  

Awesome show even if I didn’t get laid. 

The Circle Jerks had two opening bands.  Negative Approach and Adolescence.

If you ever the opportunity to see Negative Approach, don’t.  Although this band was one of the pioneers of hardcore punk music, this band is the reason why every parent of the 80s and 90s hate and don’t understand punk music.  It was loud, staticy, high pitched and muffled all at once.  What the band di have going for them was showmanship and basically just representing the punk attitude.  I could only see two of the members, the bass player and the lead singer.  The bass player was celebrating his 60^th birthday.  Tall, big shouldered man with long grey hair bulled back in a tigh low ponytail.  His beard came  down to his belly and was tied together in two spots, leaving the middle looking like the puff on a poodle tail.  Super punk.  The lead was pretty much how I icture a hardcore punk.  His old tshirt as too wide and the sides and as stule goes, too short.  His pants were faded black, at tad bit too short and too big for him.  He needed a haircut.  Right before he was about to start screaming incoherently, he would smash the mike into his teeth and leave it there while he wailed.  After each song or 3 he would alsys say, “thank you Man’ His voice was unusually deep.  

Negative Approach did have at least one fan among us.  On fan that knew every word to every song.  He was as close to the stage as he could get, fist pumping in the air, and as far as I could tell with his N95 mask on, screaming every work.  Did you ever see that movie Trainspotting?  Remember the guy that did heroin and had a baby and the baby died?…that is what this fan looked like. 

As I was standing in line after the show to get a Negative Approach tshirt, the fan walked by and he did indeed look like the guy form Trainspotting, minus the heroin and dead baby, hopefully.

Adolescence.  What a surprise !  Loud, fast and hard.  You could totally understand what they were saying.  In fact, I found myself screaming the chorus in every song which I believe happened to be the same; FUCK YOU!  The lead singer looked similar to one of the guys form Zeppelin, the one that did an album with Aliison Krauss a few years back.  What mde him so bad ASS was that he did the whole 45 minute set, jumping around stage, screaming in tune  into the mike, all with a  surgical mask on.  Before any anti-maskers start spouting off that he can’t breathe,  he’s living in fear, taking away my freedom, this guy is in shape.  Hard core shape.  Let me just repeat, 45 minutes, jumping round stage, screaming in tune in a mike with a mask on is bad ass.  This guy is in shape and as the slow crawl of the apocalypse creeps into our lives, I want this guy on my side.  

After I bought tshirts, I went back up t the balcony to watch the show with my boyfriend, guaranteeing that I would be making out after this show.  

The main event.  Circle Jerks.  First of all, they look exactly the same.  What I love about punk bands is there is no standing around or eve a pause in between songs.